As the title suggests this post is all about the ways that I know I am well and truly into the Third Trimester. written at 30 weeks pregnant.
* this post is written to be funny and it does contain reference to the vaginal area, if you are of a sensitive disposition please read with caution 😂
If you aren’t currently pregnant, why not read along for a bit of a giggle. If you are pregnant and in the third trimester, why not read (and nod) along and see how many of these things you are currently dealing with too. If you are pregnant and not quite at the third trimester why not read along to see what surprises your body may have in store for you.
<10> Toes? What toes?
I guess a more accurate description would be Feet? What Feet? I am now at the point where when I look down I can no longer see my feet because all I see is my bump. I am struggling to put on shoes and socks. I have to take a great deal of time and there is much puffing and panting. All I know is I am very grateful the weather is improving and I can wear my trusty Birkenstocks and that means I don’t even need socks. Yay for me. Long may this sunshine continue, solely to make my footwear issues that little bit easier, also I think it will justify me buying a second pair. Win Win. Oh and the nail polish on my toes may have to stay there FOREVER!! Unless my friend Emily was being serious when she offered to paint my toe nails when I explained how much effort was involved the last time.
I generally carry my babies low (is that an indication of gender? mine have all been boys, but we will have to wait and see what this one is). This means I can get lots of aches in my lower back, bump and general pelvic area. It also means baby spends a great deal of time hanging out and about on my bladder, which in turn means I have to pee. ALOT.
So as I reach the third trimester and baby moves up, it offers a great sense of relief until the reality of what that means sets in and that tends to be baby’s feet all up in my ribs, a noticeable decrease in my cardio abilities (walk and talk, pahahaha I don’t think so) and the return of the dreaded heartburn. Then I begin wishing baby would move down and off they trot and then I have to pee. Again.
<8> Is that classed as grooming or a comedy sketch show?
For those of you that have read my other posts <insert> you will know that I haven’t been feeling my best during this pregnancy. I have had a few hospital visits and barely had the time or energy to function let alone, maintain my *ahem* lady garden and meadow…aka…legs.
Well as I have been feeling a little better I decided now was the time to tackle the situation. I went and bought some new products. This was going to require some heavy duty landscaping and a 2 blade Bic razor was not going to cut it…literally.
Well, what a bloody faff, baring in mind I struggle to put socks on this was a real feat of physical agility. I am pretty sure I looked like someone practicing to be a contortionist. I couldn’t see what I was doing, remember I pretty much can’t see south of the bump and I had a 5 blade tool in my hand, it could have ended very differently. Thankfully it didn’t, but I am considering seriously putting aside any embarrassment and just paying someone to do it next time (Emily, do you want to earn a few extra quid? Just kidding I mean a professional).
<7> Are they veins or road maps?
Whilst pregnant your body produces more blood and has to work hard to pump it around your body. In all my pregnancies, particularly at nighttime in the third trimester I get super veiny. My hands and feet often are bulging with big huge veins, so I look like some sort of road map or someone who is on steroids.
The super veiny hands and feet tend to coincide with another beautiful side effect of pregnancy. Swelling. I am unable to currently wear my wedding ring as it inevitably gets stuck and super painful especially during the night. This is another reason Birkenstocks rock, they are adjustable and allow my feet to stay cool and not blow up to the size of an actual real life blimp.
<6> No patience
I think this is a pregnancy thing. Either that or I am now just hyper aware to how much of a ‘BEE EYE TEA SEE H’ I am all the time. If that is the case…oooops. I am losing my rag over things that I would normally keep my cool over. My poor kids, if they don’t do it on the first time of being asked, you can see ‘Ugly, shouty mummy’ rearing her head. Oliver my eldest who is 8, told me that having a baby makes me really moany and whiny, maybe its hormones, which brings me nicely onto…
Hormones are one hell of a task master, they can completely make or break a situation and when those little blighters decide to take over, you had better take cover. I generally go into super angry mode and nag and nit pick till I get fed up of the sound of my own voice. The other mode is, super emotional mode. tears. All the tears. Things that have mad me cry recently include. One Born Every Minute. Arthur (the kids cartoon). Other people’s instagram posts. Adverts. Being really, really tired.
Being pregnant, comes with an expected set of aches and pains. Then you get some which really take you by surprise. It’s pretty common to get a real feeling of heaviness in your pubic area during pregnancy especially when you are nearing the end. I had a friend who questioned why she felt like she had been riding a bike all day. I have been known to describe feelings of ‘being stabbed in the vagina with knitting needles’ or ‘lightning, its like being struck by lightning’ they are extremely, fast, sharp pains that make you stop and go ‘oww’. I have been told that they are caused by baby’s position and your body getting ready to birth a mini human. There is one thing which can be uncomfortable at times but, I adore it, and that is feeling the baby when it has hiccups…there is something magical about that.
<3> Things that go bump in the night
Another way I can tell I am in the third trimester is sleep. Or lack of. This baby likes to party all through the night. As I can no longer sleep comfortably on my stomach, I have to settle for being slightly less comfortable on my side. Baby takes this as a cue to to practice their karate. Also if I wake for any reason during the night (normally from being kicked either from baby, or one of the two little ones who have inevitably snuck into our bed) I have to pee. No casual wake ups where I gently drift back into a peaceful slumber. I have to maneuver myself out of the bed, without waking the man or the kiddies and trot off to the bathroom. On more than one occasion on returning to the mass of arms and legs in our bed, I have quietly snuck off to the quiet retreat of the boys bottom bunk.
Ultra vivid, ultra crazy, the kinds only a sleep deprived, peeing fiend crazed on hormones could dream. I don’t think that needs any more explaining, if you understand what I mean. comment. #ultradreams
When pregnant time moves at varying paces for different things. It makes me think of the Doctor and his ‘Wibbly Wobbly Timey Wimey’ definition of time travel. For me it feels like it has taken aaaaages to get to 30 weeks and it feels like it will take aaaaages to get to the point of delivering and finally meeting our lickle squishlet, Then I think of all the things I want to get done and have to do before baby arrives and it feels like it is all going too fast and he or she will be here in no time at all and I will be totally unprepared.
If you made it this far…well done!!
Thanks for reading